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Discussion: the whole process

Created on: 02/05/07 05:02 PM Replies: 10

lword1970
the whole process
02/05/07 5:02 PM

can anyone detail the whole process from first office visit with doctor ,discussing wanting to get pregnant - what the doctor told you do, picking a donor, getting inseminated , the pregnancy - how long the whole process took from first office visit to delivery - I'm just interested in getting a clear detailed picture of some experiences . thanks

crymel04



Joined: 08/26/08
Posts: 14
Re: the whole process
02/06/07 3:19 AM

lword1970,
You are going to get a wide range of experiences, so you really cant go on what everyone tells you, but for me I am 25 my partner is 27 we started talking about having a child in 2003. My doctors office is geared towards gay and lesbian patients and they actually do IUI's in the office. During one of my examinations I told the doctor that we were ready to try for our miracle. I went for bloodwork, charted my cycles for 3 months prior to even talking to her, and got everything in order. Once everything was in order, we started looking at cryobanks. We picked the CCB because there was a wide variety of donors to choose from, and at the time the prices werent to bad. They were 310 when we started. We picked our donor and we knew he was the one. We tried at that doctors office for 3 months, without meds, no luck. We switched to a RE, and tried there for 2 months, with Clomid, bloodwork, ultrasounds, and HCG trigger shot, we got pregnant on the second try. We now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter that we absolutely adore. So a total of 5 months to conceive her. Pregnancy went great! Delivered 4 days early, with her weighing in at 6lbs 14oz and 20inches long. We are currently trying for our second child. This time seems even harder. We decided to go right back to the RE's office. We have tried 2 rounds of clomid, with no luck, and we switched to Bravelle injectables and this is our second month. I am currently 9 days past IUI. I am also taking prometrium progesterone 600mg daily this go round, because my luthel phase has been kind of short. So that is about it, you never know what can happen. I am a young person with no known fertilty issues, and am still having trouble. We are in contact with a few half siblings and one mother is 35 and she conceived on her 3rd try. You just never know. Good luck and I hope this information helps.

:) Crystal

lword1970
Re: the whole process
02/06/07 5:13 PM

crymel04,
let me ask you a question because you brought up a topic I find very interesting. Why is finding and being in contact with half "siblings" such a big deal to so many people. In my opinion being blood related does not determine family espcially in these circumstances. Technically they are siblings but that was not the intention of anyone was it ? I don't consider a donor a father or a dad and i wouldn;t consider children born from the same donor siblings - IMO , a donor is someone who helps people have children and it ends there. I would like a good looking, tall, intelligent donor because those things are somewhat genetic. But i dont think I can tell a donors decency or charm from his audio interview or profile. Some people on this site seem like they are looking for a husband as opposed to a donor. Others on this site seem obsessed with finding children born with the same donor. I find it kind of weird. For example - organ donation - If I recieved someone's kidneys would I go on a search for people that received other organs - I don;t think so. I personally know two people who have used donors for different reasons and one is obsessed with thoughts of the donor and possible children he may have. I think people should put things into perspective.

mighttry
Re: the whole process
02/06/07 8:11 PM

lword1970,

i think that many people have the belief that acquiring half of someone's dna to create a new life is not the same as transfering blood or a kidney. but, i certainly respect your right to feel as if they are the same. since you brought it up, i have a question - what if your child doesn't share your opinion? i mean i certainly don't have the same belief system as my parents, so even though we tell our kids our feelings it doesn't mean they will adopt them. I personally feel a link to people simply because we are related by blood. I can go to a family reunion and meet a random cousin for the first time and know/feel that we share a connection as family that does not depend on having met them before that very moment. I was not the product of a donor so I'm not sure if DKs feel the same way, but I personally would seek donor sibs because my belief is that family can be the one you make, but it is also the one you are born into. In the case of donor sibs, both of those situations could apply. You may not have a relationship with the person but that does not mean that you aren't linked. my personal belief is that it's weird to dismiss that for another human being, even if that person is my child. oh well, having said that, to each his own and for those ladies who like finding sibs...i personally think your perspective is where it should be: doing what you feel is best for you and yours.... :)

crymel04



Joined: 08/26/08
Posts: 14
Re: the whole process
02/07/07 3:12 AM

mighttry,
I think that it is rather funny that you come here to ask questions but are so judgemental when it comes to us people that have come in contact with half siblings. In my daughters case it was actually a good thing that we got in contact since the other childs daughter had a health issue that their doctor wasnt sure if it was passed from the mother or donor, and in our case it was the donor. My daughter also has it. Although they are expected to out grow it, it was diagnosed, and if I didnt know about it than she could further health issues later on. Its like anything, why does someone choose a "release donor" or what ever they are called? They want the avenues for their children that if they choose to find out who this man was then they can. I believe that everyone has their own theory on this topic,and it to me is a personal choice, we love being in contact with our daughters half siblings, and actually at some point might all get together. We are all individual families, and we dont dispute that. We just keep in contact with one another for health reasons, and things like that. Next time, please think about other peoples feelings, since we wouldnt want anyone to be hurt by this.
@.@ :) :)

Mamedarling
Re: the whole process
02/07/07 6:19 AM

Hi lword1970. Seems like you're doing a lot of good reading, and the success stories on this site should tell you everything you need to know. You could also check out Northwest Andrology's bulletin board. They have a success story thread that provides a lot details about timing, methods, etc.

I did want to comment on the interest in knowing the donor: I work with organ transplant patients, and they routinely express a desire to know about their donors, meet their donors' families, etc. I wouldn't have expected that, but it makes sense now that I've been around it. So...Just be prepared for the possibility that your feelings might change, or that your child might have different wishes. Good luck!

mighttry
Re: the whole process
02/07/07 7:37 AM

crymel04,
i hope that maybe you meant to reply to lword. i in no way was judging your contact with half sibs. i don't see anything wrong with it if that's what the parents find to be the best situations for their families. i re-read my post and didn't think that was how i came off. i do apologize if i did and i hope that you just got us confused.

willow99
Re: the whole process
02/07/07 12:58 PM

lword1970,

As crymel04 said, it's a personal choice. Everybody brings their own standards to this process. Some people feel that a donor's personality traits, aptitudes, and other intangibles are important. Others could care less as long as he's healthy and gets the job done. Many parents and offspring feel a strong emotional connection to half-siblings. Some don't. Neither approach is right or wrong.

If you fall into the "don't care" camp, that's fine, but don't be too quick to paint others as delusional or naive for harboring natural human emotions. Nobody here is "looking for a husband" or "obsessed" with finding other offspring. Most of us went into this with a clear mind, after a lot of soul-searching. Starting a family isn't a decision that's made lightly. It's unreasonable to expect everyone to view a child with the same level of detachment as...say...a kidney.

As you go through the process, you may find yourself relying on traits like decency and charm to help narrow down the hundreds of tall, good-looking, intelligent donors out there. ;)

lword1970
Re: the whole process
02/07/07 5:44 PM

crymel04,
hurt someones feelings ? why because i was stating my opinion or interest. If someone got on this site and expressed that they thought using donors was wrong and disgusting - would that hurt someones feelings ? I would hope not. People should be secure in the postions they take in life and when presented with different opinions they should be able to express their opinion as well. If my child had a different opinion ,then my child would have a different opinion. I am not the type of person that would disrespect my childs feelings or opinions - thats not loving or nuturing. Personally I believe blood does not determine family either way definitively. Donors are helpers. I would have as much interest in meeting other donor children as I would in meeting the donors mother , sister or cousin - none. If I found out my father was a donor 30 years ago - I would think wow my father did something admirable helping others I wouldn;t think I have siblings not known to me. of course Technically - children born from the same donor are half siblings but I only see it as a technicality.Some of you see it differntly and thats cool - I just wanted to exchange my thoughts didn;t mean to disrespect anyone. Thanks

crymel04



Joined: 08/26/08
Posts: 14
Re: the whole process
02/07/07 6:31 PM

lword1970,
Thats fine, I wasnt tryng to stir the pot either, I just was a thought that was an interesting point to make. Everyone can determine their own thoughts, and has a right to. My partner and I are glad that we have found half siblings for our children to connect with if they wish, and if not that is okay too. We have saved pictures of the children as they are gowning, and I will show them when they are old enough to understand.
Mightry- I was not addressing that to you...sorry, I have a habit of just going with the last posting.
@.@
I hope everyone here has good luck at what ever decision they choose. Everyone deserves to experience this.....its the most amazing thing I have ever experienced and I wouldnt change it for the world. :)

mighttry
Re: the whole process
02/08/07 11:41 AM

crymel04,


no problem. good luck and wishing you tons of success...glad things got cleared up. i enjoy this board and hope it's a place that i can continue to come to for hope and encouragment, but i wouldn't feel comfortable visiting if i felt i was judging someone or being judged. (i can go to a family dinner if i was looking for that :))....

btw: glad to hear that things with your daughter won't led to any long term complications.....
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